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November 19th, 2004

11:40 pm - Wahhhhhhh Someone close to me died this afternoon - so while I'll be around, please don't expect much of me this week - either in CoE or elsewhere. I don't know when the funeral is or anything yet ... Current Mood: shocked

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November 17th, 2004

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09:24 pm - Clairey [apologies for the repeat ....] I want to write about Claire. Claire is my best friend. My sister, my twin - even though we are not actually related. She is the other - and probably better - part of me. I love her more than I love anyone else in this world. We met when I was 10, and she was 11, in the second form of school. I'm sure we looked beautiful in our school uniform - blue skirts and bright yellow blouses. We sat next to each other in lessons, and shared a room when we went to Paris on a school trip. We both had appallingly bad 1980s fashion sense. And now she is dying. Dying slowly ... when she was 19, she was diagnosed with Crohn's disease. Now this isn't a big deal for most sufferers - its most often a case of keeping diet in check. Not with Claire - she has every nasty side-effect going. First her jaw started disintegrating, and they had to do a bone graft from her ribs to shore up her lower jaw which left her face pretty much feeling-less on one side. Then a bit later she needed a permanent urostomy, which has caused her a few problems. A lot of her friends suddenly left her when she had a urostomy bag. Now I can't even think how many operations she's gone through. The latest have been 3 digging out an abscess which started as a fistula on her breast and ended up by digging down under the pectoral muscles - serious shit. She's just had a radical mastectomy on that side. She's on so many drugs that I can't remember the names of half of them. She takes liquid morphine three times a day at the moment. She takes a lot of drugs that are more generally used in chemotherapy, and as a result her immune system is shot to pieces. Trying to recover from a serious operation with no immune system is an interesting business. Her wounds constantly infect. *icky bit* That sounds nasty obviously. But reality is worse. Have you ever seen a big, open, infected wound? It is not pleasant. At the moment, she has a drain in - and she can feel the pus and infection dripping down into the bag. It squelches. The wounds often smell - badly. When she didn't have the drain in last week, she could feel the pus and stuff moving inside the wound. *end of icky bit* And through all of that, she smiles. And laughs. And enjoys every moment she can, especially with her beloved cats. She even makes the time to worry about those she loves. We support each other. I dash up there whenever sshe needs me, or when sshe's in hospital. Its a 6 hours journey (ish) but I couoldn't give a damn. I'd travel all day and all night to get to her if she needed me - or wanted me there. We feel each other's pain. Physically. As weird as that may sound ... I remember the first time it really happened - I woke up one morning with a flaming pain in my right lower jaw. Walked downstairs and physically couldn't eat as it was too painful. Talked to Claire later and she'd had a big problem with her jaw that morning and had been rushed into hospital with it. And ever since then we have felt each other's pain. I know what's wrong with her within being told. She knows when I'm severely depressed without being told. We often phone each other up in the night or first thing in the morning knowing the other will be awake with the same pain. I know when she gets carted off to hospital in an emergency. I know when she comes back home. She's phoned me up before not even asking how I am but just saying she's on her way down. When I was desperately wanting her as she's about the only one who understands depression and bipolar. When we're togethe people think we're twins. We don't actually look that much alike, but we do things alike. There is a lot of communication without words. A lot with half-sentences that don't need to be finished. I could go on and on about how wonderful she is. I could go on all day. But it comes down to one thing. We truly understand each other and accept each other. And love each other. And nothing can shake that - well, nothing we've discovered so far! Distance doesn't matter, illness doesn't matter, state of mind doesn't matter. I love her. Utterly. Current Mood: determined

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November 16th, 2004

10:39 am The Ultimate LiveJournal Obsession Test Category Your Score Average LJer Community Attachment 21.51% You've got pals to cheer you up when you're down, but no audience to applaud you... Yet. 22.35% MemeSheepage 38.6% An expert on multiple-choice questions, an whiz at the cut-and-paste 28.05% Original Content 41.94% Some stories must be told - and you're the one to tell them 38.04% Psychodrama Quotient 21.69% Your dark side's safe with us 17.1% Attention Whoring 9.09% Low-key and lovin' it 20.75% Take The Ultimate LiveJournal Obsession Test and see how you match up! Current Mood: bouncy

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November 15th, 2004

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November 13th, 2004

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November 12th, 2004

01:49 pm http://quiz.ivillage.com/cgi-bin/relationships/tests/friendstyle.pl What Type of Friend Are You? Loving Sister You're an affectionate, sensitive, intuitive sweetie who takes her friendships very seriously -- people love being friends with you because they know you understand them. You nurture your friends, which is a constantly-renewing gift: you're the first one to step forward with chicken soup if they're sick, tissue if they're crying, and a phone call if they're lonely. You love being cared for yourself, too -- not that you'd ever admit it. It's not surprising that you build such strong bonds with your friends, loyal and steadfast as you are. Be careful not to pamper your buddies too much, though, since it can drain you of much-needed energy and encourage otherwise good friends to take your big-hearted nature for granted. You might incorporate some Lone Wolf traits into unbalanced relationships that take more than they give. Current Mood: bouncy

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01:04 pm Yasser Arafat's death is tragic. He was a great man. Current Mood: sad

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November 11th, 2004

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November 10th, 2004

04:25 pm ( Quizzies! Lots! Time wasting thanks to Swandog ) Current Mood: bouncy

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November 6th, 2004

02:38 pm - I should think so too!!!! You're a Purist! What type of LotR fan are you? brought to you by Quizilla Current Mood: bouncy

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November 4th, 2004

04:06 pm - Weird / strange / icky thing One of my best friends' sisters had her drink spiked the other day - with rohypnol they think. She just passed out in a local club and woke up the next morning - luckily fine, her friends were with her at the club and looked after her, but with no memory of the night before. My poor babe, its her first term at uni and first time living on her own away from friends and family :( Thats the icky thing. The strange bit ... on the day she woke up I was out with Hobbit in the fields and suddenly started thinking about Lucinda and wondering if she was ok. Now I know I have some sort of weird link to my friend, but now to her sister? lol its weird. Emz and I can tell when each other are going to phone (even if we haven't talked for weeks or months), a lot of weird things have gone on where our lives have paralleled each others without knowing it, we know whats going on with each other without talking etc etc Wonder what Ayla would make of all that? Current Mood: contemplative

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09:29 am Hmmmm what to talk about today? Electro-shock bulls? Hobbit's disgusting eating habits? That which shall not be mentioned ...? Yeah - well - maybe I'll start with that-which-shall-not-be-mentioned - politics of course - and I have one thing to say, and one thing only. I think it's awful that the US election overshadowed so much the announcement that Hamid Karzai has officially won the Afghanistani elections after a panel looking into voting irregularities. Anyway - enough of that .... happier things. Bravo are re-showing Babylon 5 - one episode each morning *dies* now I can get a daily Garabaldi fix *woot* This may sound strange, but the Book Club has been focussing my mind on Bab 5 recently - thinking of the relationship between the Shadows, the Vorlons and Man being similar to Melkor, the rest of the Valar and the Children of Ilúvatar. Activity vs passivity - chaos vs order - punctuated equilibrium vs the smooth effects of natural selection. Which is better? More to follow later ... Electro-shock bulls? I dreamt the mad farmer next door to us decided to put bulls in the field where we walk the dogs. *Big* bulls with Highland Cattle style horns. And he had made a small footpath around the edge of the field, about 2 foot wide, for us to walk the dogs in. The footpath was enclosed in a metal, electrified cage, with sand spread over the ground (why I have no idea as presumably the soil would ground any leaks from the electric fence wires over the metal). And there was a huge notice on the stile saying that entrance into the field was at one's own risk ... More later, I think I'd going back to bed for an hour or so to cuddle the puppy :) Current Mood: sleepy

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09:01 am - Can't I be the Ralph Fiennes version???? What Classic Movie Are You? personality tests by similarminds.com Current Mood: sleepy

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November 3rd, 2004

08:31 pm - This is scarily correct .... ( personality test thanks to Rosie :) ) Current Mood: sleepy

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November 2nd, 2004

12:58 pm ( time wasting thanks to Ithil! ) Current Mood: sleepy

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November 1st, 2004

09:31 am Hypocrisy is so awful, especially when the person knows they are doing it. Have some people really got that level of complete disinterest in the truth? Or that utter level of self-absorption and complete lack of interest in other people? Don't know why that's particularly bugging me today, I was just thinking about things I dislike while in the fields with silly pup this morning. Its quite interesting, I think, working out what things you simply dislike and what things really make you shudder. Perhaps I'll make a list. And then maybe a list of things I like and things that I just *love*. Um, yeah, anyway - Hopefully today I'll be able to get back to Timo's picture, which will be great. *If* I can get angsty Noldor bitch out of my head ... or recent Elladan / Feanor stuff. *coughs* And Tesco's are delivering shopping today - including pizza and pop tarts *dances a lot* And hugest hugs to Vea for being an utter angel :hughug: Current Mood: determined

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October 31st, 2004

10:10 am - DAMMIT What is the point of having a husband when however hard you shake him he refuses to wake up when you're having such bad nightmares you can hardly move let alone manage to find your way out of the room into some light and to a warm puppy with waggy tail? Current Mood: weird

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October 30th, 2004

12:16 pm - Two happier (?) things First - because I haven't said it for far too long, I just have to say how much I utter love Goldey's LJ avvie :P Second - have you ever wanted a JRR Tolkien mask? Click here if you suddenly feel the need to possess one. Click on the pic of JRRT and a full-size mask for printing out will appear! Here's *your* chance to be Tolkien for a day!! Current Mood: frustrated

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12:04 pm - hiss spit growl Sometimes I just hate the UK. Went into the post office this morning with a parcel wrapped round with about a whole roll of sticky tape to indulge my paranoia of Royal Mail dropping parcels for a great height just for fun. Convo as (abbreviately) follows: Me: I'd like to send this to America please. Preferably on the cheapest rate of air mail. Evil Post Office minion: That will be £34 please. Me: *faints* -- on recovery -- Me: what about surface mail? Evil PO minion: that will be £28 please and will take at least 6 weeks to get there (hello??? how long does it take to get a ship across the Atlantic????? certainly not 6 weeks!!) Me: *faints again* -- on second recovery -- Me: is there anything I can do to get it cheaper? Evil PO minion: yes. take all the stuff out of the box and repackage it into two boxes. Bring them back in and that will about halve the postage amount. Me: *insert wtf type emoticon* So anyway, I now have the parcel back here. I am going to decant it, put it into two boxes and try again on Monday ..... Not Amused Current Mood: frustrated

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